Cut out the Middleman, Cut out the Stress
Is the Middleman screwing up your journey?
It's not your fault. From a tender age, we're taught to mistrust our own sense of direction.
"Don't depend on what you feel," we're told. Feelings change; they're not rational, after all. Instead, "think straight!" and seek advice from someone Bigger, Older, Wiser. Teachers, parents, bosses, even peers are more trusted with your life than you. "For godsakes, never make important decisions based on emotions!"
But don't you change all the time, too? Wouldn't that make your emotions the best gauge for what's best, right now, in the present moment?
Can you learn to trust your feelings?
What sense does it make to ask anyone else what's right for you?
It doesn't, if you consider that your emotions, as proposed by Abraham-Hicks author of The Deliberate Power of Your Emotions, are in fact your sixth sense: a much-maligned guidance system telling you exactly where you're headed.
What if emotions are antennae - little feelers that go out before you and send back informaton about what's ahead of you...which by the way, you are creating, with your attitudes and beliefs.
How you're feeling will always tell if you're following your heart or going down the primrose path.
And it's way simpler than you think.
There are really only two emotions: feeling good, and feeling bad. A sense of relief means you're headed towards things that will serve your goals. That bad feeling: I'd Turn Back If I Were You.
If we respect emotions as a flawless guidance system, we can always know what's coming. And when you need to decide which way to go, if you close your eyes and imagine yourself taking one path and then the other, and feel it: Relief or clench. These are your indicators.
So, what's the deal with asking someone else what to do? Why the middleman between you and You?
Ever notice how advice comes from "thinking it through" or, when it comes from others it's from that familiar place, "Trust Me, I've Been There." Thinking is a whole different faculty than feeling - just as sight is different from smell. No better or worse, just not one that leads from your heart...where your answers are.
As for "I've been there"... Exactly. They've been there, not you.
So their perspective is highly relevant - to their lives. Not yours.
So breathe a big sigh of relief. You don't have to stress or sweat the small stuff ever again; you've got your ideal Guru who talks to you through your emotions.
What about when you have to do it someone else's way - what about your hot yoga teacher?
We insist you follow specific directions in the hot yoga room, no deviations. We guide you in the mechanics of the practice and the management of the heat in complete safety.
But notice how we also encourage you to allow your feelings to surface. We tell you to feel when you need to take a pose off; to "Do each pose to the best of your ability today," and "Back down when you feel pain."
You're awakening your feelings within the framework of hot yoga - and boy, will those feelings come up.
In hot yoga, we encourage you to go strongly in the direction of those emotions - sadness, despair, joy (fits of laughter are fine). The hot yoga room may be the only place you'll hear this but here it is: STOP THINKING; instead, find the feeling place.
If anything can jar your feelings awake, it's hot yoga.
Your feelings - not your THOUGHTS - will take you someplace unique because, unlike other perspectives, they never lie.
When you're facing a decision, feel your way. You'll instantly know when something feels "off" - it's what you feel just before your mind begins talking you into it. Or, when you feel instantly good, just before you start talking yourself out of it.
I'm all for getting support.
And different points of view can be fascinating - it shows how much diversity, how much creativity is out there.
But in the end, what anyone else says is only relevant for them. No one feels for you, just as no one can do hot yoga for you. Not even your most well-meaning friends and lovers.
That makes your own feelings a direct hit; everyone else is just a middleman.
As for that dusty old idea that there is One Right Way (substitiute religion, political party, career choice, partner, yoga practice, whatever is your issue of the moment) and that someone else can show it to you? Let's put that to rest with other quaint old notions like leeching and blood-letting.
Explore for yourself. That's what you're here for.
Exploring expands the field for everyone (think Columbus, think Magellan). Following someone else's way is a path to nowhere.
If no one ever said, "I feel differently," there would be no inventions. No innovations. No lightbulb. No Internet. No Reese's Pieces (chocolate and peanut butter? Who'd have thought....)
You are the author of your own Guidebook. Live life as you feel it. Appreciate all the well-meaning advice you get, and then forge your path by tuning in to what feels good for you.
You don't need a middleman.
The fees are too big and the stakes are too high to trust your journey to anyone else.
Are you up to any decisions that need you to feel your way? Comment here on how to do just that...and then, how did that work out for you?
Rhonda Uretzky, E-RYT
Reader Comments (6)
Love this post! I've been struggling with the whole "WHO AM I?" issue and felt pressured by others (and society) to figure out who I am, define my beliefs, etc etc. This literally caused me to break down into such a dark place because I could think and say one thing and then be feeling something different and the hypocrisy was killing me. I woke up literally a few weeks ago and realized that there is no such thing as defining who I am--hey, that could change in a matter of a month--it is more about living into my true feelings--being true to myself--not my thoughts, but my feelings. Let hypocrisy fly--we are all hypocrites, and it's quite alright to recognize and admit it all the same.
"What do you do?" "Where do you work?" "Are you dating someone?" Everyone is interested in having you define yourself in some way. My theory? People aren't comfortable being in the murky place outside the comfort zone, so they want you to be "sure", to decide once and for all. But it can't happen. Life is about expansion so you can never stand still. You either allow yourself to expand to the furthermost place of your own desires - or you shrivel. Either way, life moves and you get to go with the flow, thank goodness! It's not hypocrisy, Laura; it's you, going for the expanded version of yourself at all times.
I like the idea of being the expanded version of yourself all the time. This always rings true for me, especially at the end of class in final savasana when you remind us that we've done all that we could for ourselves today. And we did it - no one else. Only you can be the expanded you. The middle, meddling people are there to curb your expansion to fit into a socially acceptable box. It's important to remember that they're not part of you, they're the rocks that you will flow around - the expanded you in liquid, being added to every day in every way.
Love the analogy to liquid, Kristina - the most powerful substance in the world is water. It can adapt its very consistency to become s liquid, solid or gas, and yet it is also so powerfully persistent that over time, it can wear away mountains. Interesting footnote: the human body is mostly water (is it 90%?) Even nature is hinting that we are a of a more flexible, powerful, expandable nature than we acknowledge. In other words no matter what...yes, you can and without any middleman needed.
The water is a great analogy. I am wondering how comfortable we really are when we remain in our comfort zones--is anyone really comfortable when they settle for less?
My experience is that the comfort zone is neither comfortable nor comforting...and there is a big difference between feeling GOOD and feeling comfortable. Feeling good can be relaxing, blissful, but always tinged with joy. Feeling comfortable is a sleepy feeling, with a side of disappointment.